ben wakeman : : Journal

Screen Door Closes

June 21, 2006

So, I have not written a damn thing in over a month and a half. I am so pathetic. I don't know why it's so hard to write a simple daily blog. I am amazed at these folks who find the time to crank out something every day -- even if it's drivel. I think I have not written in so long because I have not been in a happy place -- though not an altogether dismal one either.

Screen Door has officially closed. Tom announced to me two nights before our last show at Eddie's that he just did not want to do it anymore. It was a pretty unexpected blow for me, though I can understand his reasons. We have been playing together for nearly 8 years and it's a little bit like a marriage --- but not really. Tom wants to spend what little free time he has working on his own musical projects. The biggest bummer is that we had the new Screen Door record 75% complete. I will miss playing with him.

I take these kind of set backs personally because that's what I do best;-) I'm always looking for difinitive evidence that I'm worthless and should not continue to pursue music. It's really hard to do something creative without validation. You make music to be heard --- to reach people. If that's not happening, it's hard to keep believing in it and to keep feeding it. Ultimately, it's like most experiences in this life -- it's 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to what happens to you.

I have been digging up a lot of the demos lately that I have tinkered with over the last couple of years and I have decided to push ahead and put out another solo CD. I like the sound of the songs in these simple recordings and I feel like they deserve to see the light of day. I'm making every effort to just get out of the damn way and let the music be what it will be. As you may imagine, it's difficult to dettach yourself from the outcome of something so close to you, but ultimately there is no other way.