Maybe We'll Just Be Dead
December 20, 2005So the other night I'm feeling the all too familiar malaise that starts too settle over me like a lead blanket. If you follow this journal at all, you don't have to wear a lab coat to figure out that I battle with depression. I don't talk about it directly, but it's something that seems to be a part of me. Anyway, I'm sitting there starting to sink and I just get pissed off. I mean, I just got totally sick of that vacuous feeling that lives only to suck everything good out of me. I get up off the couch, I go down into the office, I sit down and write this song in an hour and a half.
The song in question is one of the best kind -- the ones that just fall out of the sky like a sand bag and you come to an hour later with some drool on your chin below the smile on your face. You don't really know where they come from, because an hour beforehand they were not even on your radar. I needed this song. It says what I want to say, but it says it in a raw, honest way that I don't think I can easily do in realtime. I'm sensitive and given to moods, but I'm also extremely practical and self-critical, so this song represents the marriage of these strange bedfellows.
I threw down this live recording two nights ago just to capture it, and I like the way it sounds, mistakes and all. There's something raw and blunt about it, which is exactly what it should be. I hope that anyone else who suffers from depression will hear this and see themselves and maybe smile. If that happens, it will have served it's purpose.
Listen...
To listen to the recording, click on the little gray MP3 player in the top right of your screen. Locate the little blue tab on the left side of the player to reveal the playlist. You should see this new recording at the top of the list. Click. Enjoy.
Read...
There's a man with the weight of a thousand empty promises pushing him into the ground
With every year he disappears an inch at a time until one day he can't be found
There's pressure on top, but there's more down below and darkness like a blanket of coal
For each promise he presses a diamond in hopes of one day regaining his soulBut there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I swear I don't hear a train
There's a hole down below this funnel and it sucks but it's not a drain
One day it will all be over and we'll be asking what all this was for
Or maybe we'll just be dead so get your ass up off the floorShe's done her time on the couches of family and friends and the ones that she had to pay
She's starved and cut and bruised herself just to try to get out of the way
There's a bleeding battalion of men in her wake who swore that they could save her
From the pretty black hole in the back of her mind that some drunken bastard gave herBut there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I swear I don't hear a train
There's a hole down below this funnel and it sucks but it's not a drain
One day it will all be over and we'll be asking what all this was for
Or maybe we'll just be dead so get your ass up off the floorI used to be invincible now I'm just invisible, quietly falling apart
The life I've sewn is showing the seams I never noticed were there from the start
I've side-stepped the serotonin cocktails and settled for feeling like shit
It's like removing the battery from your smoke alarm cause your tired of the sound of itBut there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I swear I don't hear a train
There's a hole down below this funnel and it sucks but it's not a drain
One day it will all be over and we'll be asking what all this was for
Or maybe we'll just be dead so get your ass up off the floor
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