ben wakeman : : Journal

Old Dog, New Tricks

March 21, 2005

So, now that I am 35, I finally decided it's time to start applying myself. Yes, I figure I've waited long enough, coasting on the invincible wave of youth. In the course of a couple of weeks I have learned to speak a little bit of Italian in preparation for our trip to Tuscany in September. I always meant to learn another language... but there was always later.

I have also started running in the mornings with Hans. I always meant to do some kind of exercise, but there was always later. Finally, I always wanted to know more about the world we live in --- what makes everything work from a sub-atomic level, what makes life possible in scientific terms. So I started this wonderful book by Bill Bryson called "A Short History of Nearly Everything" and it's exactly what I was looking for. I'm learning about all of the stuff I memorized for tests in high school and promptly forgot without ever being impacted by the sheer miracle of how it all works.

It's good to feel like I'm growing again and I can still learn new things --- that my body is still capable of running a couple of miles. This morning after my run, I felt the oddest sensation in my legs and feet and then I realized what it was: circulation! There was actually blood pushing through my body with some urgency. This sensation makes me connect all of the science that I have been learning and it's fascinating to think about everything that happens in the simple act of running, or breathing --- all of the energy being transformed --- the millions of molecules of oxygen rushing through my blood, then my lungs then back into the air to be absorbed by the spring grass and the cherry blossoms.

I realize these are not great revelations, but in a sense they are. If you can learn to appreciate life at this level --- to understand it and apply it to all levels of your consciousness, in every task you do, in every exchange you have with another person, then I think your life can transform into something greater than it ever was. I think most of us are easily consumed by ourselves and myopically focused within the boundaries of our own bodies, thoughts, fears and desires.

I feel like embarking on a new (old) experiment to begin trying to see my own life, body and well-being, not as a self-contained unit, but as a free collection of sub-atomic matter that is constantly interacting with everything around me. It's a quantum shift of focus I think, but it's as simple as breathing really. At this level of focus, it does not matter whether I am programming a new application, teaching a class, playing the guitar, playing with my kids, kissing my wife, running or learning Italian, there is an opportunity to by fully present in that moment and to live a lifetime right there. I think being able sever the constant tether I feel to future outcomes may prove to be a very good thing.
I hope I can come up with something witty to write tomorrow ;-)