ben wakeman : : Journal

I am Really Boring

September 18, 2003

So here I am trying to keep this journal and, Jesus am I boring. I am just not exciting enough to keep a regular journal. Tom and I are working on demos for this new batch of songs that have been written over the last six months with a goal of getting them in the hands of a lot of music industry people in LA when we go out there in November.

I am discovering what a squirrel brain I have. I can't seem to focus on one task and see it through without changing gears and beginning something else. This makes recording myself a challenge. I sit down at the computer to do a drum loop for song A, then do a vocal on song B, maybe check email, build an application for the website, remember that I was supposed to get a newsletter sent out -- oh yeah, get back to that drum loop --- damn why doesn't this work?!? I better IM Tom and get some help. It's a miracle if I ever complete a song.

Meanwhile, there's the real important stuff: my boys and Catherine whom I never feel like I get enough of. I can't seem to keep myself from being the spinner of a thousand plates. But when I switching between one of the hundreds of tasks I set for myself, I miss them intensely. I can't imagine being away from them for months at a time like some folks do who tour a lot. I think I would just wind down into a tangled, drooping mess without them.

The older I get the more I realize that life is what you make it. I used to feel like I was at the hands of some larger force beyond my control, that I was powerless to shape my own destiny. Now I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. All the little decisions I made guided me to this point in time. That feels good.